Phrases that must go

I have had this list for ages, and have tried to sell it as a magazine piece with no success. Still, I believe in the work and thusly present it here.

There are thousands of magazines and newspapers in North America, featuring the works of thousands more journalists and writers. Yet a look through many of them would have you believing they all learned to write from the same insipid handbook. Here now, is a list of pre-packaged phrases that must be stricken from all media.

Drink the Kool Aid
I almost forgot this one, but when I remembered it I put it right at the top of the list. Employed to describe a situation in which people follow someone’s line of thinking, without examining all of the facts.

It is derived from the so-called Jonestown massacre of 1979. You’ll recall cult leader Jim Jones convinced his followers to commit mass suicide at their settlement in the jungle of Guyana. The plan was carried out by poisoning tubs of Kool Aid from which the cult members drank.

Look, I don’t care how carelessly people subscribe to someone’s thinking, I don’t need to be reminded of dead woman and children in the South American rain forest. But if you think about it, it really is the same thing. A difference in philosophy and 918 dead people? Yeah, that’s exactly the same thing.

In another notable cruel twist, Jones actually used a different brand of drink mix for hideous deed. Bet the folks at Kraft Foods (makers of Kool Aid), love that.

Mother of All
Deceased dictator Saddam Hussien launched this one during Gulf War I in 1990, when he proclaimed the coalition invasion of Iraq would result in the “Mother of All Battles.”

It is now the catch phrase of choice for people describing some huge, or allegedly, huge event. Ironically its infiltration into our language has done for more damage to this country than any WMDs Saddam could possibly have had.

…From Hell
As near as we can tell, this one can be traced back to comedian Richard Lewis, who in the mid-80s said, in his stand-up routine, mentioned that his Grandfather had “breath from Hell.” It’s not his fault, of course.

But now “morning zookeepers” everywhere get the “caller from Hell,” everyone has a “day from Hell,” and we of course, are forever saddled with this, “the cliche from Hell.”

Got…?
Created as a slogan for the California Dairy Processing board, this single word has permeated the language like no other. Everyone from high school drama clubs to knitting circles now use it on t-shirts and bumper stickers, though they cleverly replace milk with softball, yarn, snacks---everything except an original idea.

Not Your Father’s…
Another ad slogan gone awry, and oddly, it was one that wasn’t that brilliant in the first place.

The late GM nameplate Oldsmobile, and its advertising agency, desperate to prove the automaker’s cars were young and hip in the ’80s, came up with this ditty. It now is the pre-fab saying of choice for those trying to sell you on the idea that something old is really hip, or has a new twist when this very phrase proves otherwise.

Baaaack
When some celebrity, or other newsworthy individual has been absent from the public eye for any period of time, and then resurfaces, his or her return is announced with this little annoyance.

Knicked from the 1982 (!) film Poltergeist thousands of hacks have used this as a headline for some lame article detailing the triumphant return, and journalists (or his editor’s) own (un)-cleverness.

15 Minutes of Fame
Spin Magazine called for an end to this one almost 20 years ago. Journalists and other media types, however, read, “let’s never, ever let Andy Warhol’s quote die!”

People still try to give it a fresh coat of paint by rewording it, or only merely mentioning the 15 minutes part. Is it possible that they think this mindless cultural reference will help them become famous?

Fear and Loathing
Reporting on some gathering and need a funny title? Can’t think of anything original? You’re not alone. How about borrowing from the late Hunter S. Thompson, and morphing the title of his famous book, and subsequent movie, into something you can use.

It’s hard to figure out which is more irritating. People using this to title some dreadful magazine article, or the words “Gonzo Journalist” being tacked on in front of Thompson’s name any time he turned up in the news.

-gate
It’s the suffix everyone reaches for whenever a political scandal breaks. Ironically, once the event has been in the news for a few days, people start asking when we will stop attaching “gate” to words in order to describe scandal. Apparently no time soon.